My naming scheme for my personal systems

For a few years now, I’ve been naming all my digital systems (PCs, laptops, servers, VMs, etc. – I don’t know a good collective term for all of them) after Tolkien characters, and I thought it would be fun to explain the exact scheme I use, as well as list the names I’ve assigned so far.

Before we start, though, a quick disclaimer: all naming schemes suck, and I don’t propose this as an especially good one. I would never use it for anything other than my own, private devices, and I don’t mean to recommend it to you either. Pick your own scheme – a less silly one if anyone else will also have to use these names – and stick to that instead.

Desktop computers – that is, stationary PCs – are named after men (as in “human”, not necessarily male), since for me they’re still the “standard” kind of computer, and men are the “standard” race in Middle-earth in the Third and Fourth Age (despite whatever Gothmog may have to say about the Age of Men).

When I first came up with this naming scheme, I had already had my desktop PC for a few years: I had assembled it in my last years at school (don’t remember when exactly), and then gradually upgraded parts of it as necessary. To reflect its age, but also its continued usefulness, I named it after Théoden, Lord of the Mark, who likewise is old but still hale (well, at least at the end of The Two Towers).

Since then, I haven’t replaced that PC yet, and though I have continued to upgrade it a bit, it is still named Théoden (or theoden for the static hostname). I don’t see this changing in the near future either; though I’ll continue to replace parts (probably an improved Blu-Ray Disc drive soon, perhaps a new case or a bigger hard drive next…), I see no reason to replace the whole thing at once, so Théoden may continue to live on even after I’ve replaced all the parts of the original computer. (Incidentally, “Théoden” and “Theseus” begin with the same three letters, at least if you ignore the accent.)

Servers are named after Elves: just as Elves are often perceived to be more distanced, remote from mortal beings, servers are systems that I only have remote access to. I made up this system when I first switched servers (from my very first VPS to an improved one), and I don’t think I ever picked a name for the old one, but the then new server was named after Turgon, Lord of Gondolin (static hostname turgon). I don’t think I had a special reason for this other than wanting to avoid the most obvious Elves.

After Turgon came my current server, named after Lúthien Tinúviel (luthien). Again, there is no special significance to the name except that I thought I’d had quite enough male systems by then, and was overdue for a female name. In fact, I figure I’ll have to give a female name to at least my next system as well just to match the ratio of women in Tolkien’s characters overall, which itself really isn’t a very high bar to clear.

Mobile devices are named after Hobbits; this doesn’t really match ordinary, everyday Hobbits, who are a sedentary folk who quite like to stay where they are, thank you very much, but it does match the more famous Hobbits of Tolkien’s tales: Bilbo, Frodo, Samwise, Merry and Pippin. In principle these names can apply to laptops/notebooks as well as smartphones, but in practice I haven’t yet found it useful to name my smartphones like this.

The first laptop I named like this was a shitty little Eee PC that I bought off eBay for university. Since it was already old by that time, feeble and weak, I thought it would be fun to name it after Sam’s “Old Gaffer”: Hamfast Gamgee, or hamfast.

Hamfast was then succeeded by my current private laptop, named after Peregrin Took, or Pippin (pippin), Knight of Gondor, resplendent in his silver armour as he returns to the Shire, just as the laptop… well, it has a silvery cover. It’s also powerful, I suppose, and I’m happy with it so far.

There’s also my work laptop. Since it’s owned by someone else (my employer), I informally named it after Lotho Sackville-Baggins (no further analogy between my employer and the evil wizard Saruman is intended!). However, I don’t set the static hostname in that case, because that would probably annoy our IT, who expect the hostname to match the device’s inventory number. (It’s bad enough that I hopped off the Ubuntu LTS release, a decision that I’ve paid for dearly already.)

Finally, virtualized systems of any kind (virtual machines and containers) are named after Dwarves. I barely use this part of the scheme – most of my VMs or containers aren’t long-lived enough to merit a name, and I don’t even remember if the one container I named years ago was “Kili” or “Fili” – but it’s my favorite part of the scheme, and also the most brilliant one in my opinion. Allow me to explain.

In Tolkien’s legendarium, Eru Ilúvatar, the over-god, at the beginning of creation prophesied the coming of Elves and Men to Arda, the world (of which Middle-earth is only a part). These two races are the Children of Ilúvatar, the principal inhabitants of Middle-earth. However, they did not exist from the beginning, but only entered into the World later: first Elves, who were to make a great journey from Cuiviénen to Valinor, the promised land, and then later Men, to whom dominion over Middle-earth was to be given.

However, in the days before the coming of the Elves, the Vala Aulë (the Valar are sub-gods below Eru) grew impatient. He is the god of craftsmanship and skill, and he longed for a people to teach, to pass his knowledge and lore onto. Therefore, he created the race of the Dwarves in secret, hidden deep in the mountains of Middle-earth. When this became known to Eru, he confronted Aulë: it was not his place to interfere with the fate of the world as determined by Eru, and he did not have the power to bring his creation to life anyways – they could only move and speak as automata of Aulë’s own will. When Aulë obediently turned to smite the Dwarves with his mighty hammer, to remove them from this world, however, they begged him for mercy. This astonished him, since they should not have been able to do so without a free will of their own. Eru had shown mercy and given the Dwarves true life; however, he decreed that they must sleep deep in the mountains, and only awake after the coming of the Elves. And though the Dwarves hold Aulë in especial reverence, and have their own beliefs in an afterlife in his halls, the Elves hold that after their death they turn back into the earth and stone of which they were made.

Thus, just as virtual machines and containers are useful, almost full-featured computers, but at the same time are not quite real in the same sence that other systems are, Dwarves are creatures of the world and yet not its true inhabitants as foretold from the beginning of time, merely an ensouled imitation of the true divine creation.

(However, I’m still classifying my servers as servers/elves, even though so far all of them have been virtualized.)